Lavinia’s Testimony

Hello!

My name is Lavinia. Probably if I hadn’t been surrounded by other wonderful people, I wouldn’t have the courage to tell everyone how God changed my life, but maybe someone really needs to hear this.

I was lucky enough to be born into a family with Christian roots, I didn’t visit church very often. My soul had too much dust, and I was never very deep in knowing Jesus, although He always had His arms open towards me. Growing up in this generation, I was far too influenced by the opinions of those who didn’t even trust in God. In July three summers ago, when I was 14 years old, I gave my life to Jesus, at Camp F2F (Face to Face in Moldova), when one of the pastors called us to repentance.

But I still didn’t show myself in the world with this Christian name, and I was ashamed to admit that I was repentant, and I only glorified God in silence. The whole idea seemed boring to me– I was like a child who had just drowned in the pool at this camp, waiting for rescue. Returning here in the summers, I realized that it was not a difficult thing to repent and come to Jesus. But I was still at the bottom of the pool. I was full of hatred and angry towards myself because of my sins and because I was trying to be perfect in everything.

I tried to join the youth evenings. I felt Jesus close, and it was as if he was hugging me every time, I tried to question my repentance. I knew Jesus, but at the same time I didn’t know him at all.

Last summer, one of my childhood friends died in a car accident. On the day I said goodbye, I noticed people who simply came to the funeral simply to just not to stay at home. My soul was filled with even more anger, and I gave up everything that meant faith because I no longer believed in anything. I didn’t believe that He could allow so much pain. I excluded everything that meant prayer or the Bible. I felt guilty that I didn’t have the opportunity to spend time with my friend who was gone.

One evening my mother said to me “Open the Bible to read about God’s wisdom about death.” I found this Scripture “The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace; they rest in their beds.” ISAIAH 57:1-2 ESV

And though I didn’t know God in church, I knew him when I was at my lowest point– crying on the bathroom floor –praying to him to give me a reason to live and take away my burden because I couldn’t take it anymore. Then God showed up and reached out His hand and saved me from that pool where I was drowning.

It wasn’t easy for me to entrust my whole life to him. It wasn’t easy to be able to accept Him again and have him erase all my sins. It isn’t easy to live with the fact that He has complete control. But I know that he is with me and loves me unconditionally. I always think about how Jesus feels when He sees me doing the right thing, knowing that it isn’t easy.

I know that each of us has questioned the existence of our great Savior. But I want to end with this verse from Matthew 28:20 “And teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

He has always been with me, even when I didn’t know it. He wipes away my tears and fills me with grace and wisdom, and opens a new path for me to share His love and forgiveness, this new life, with others.

Thank you! Lavinia in Cahul, Moldova