Boundaries: Fern’s Fences

   “I’m just telling you the facts” (7).

Outwardly Fern seems to be a quiet, uncomplaining child. Although she obeys her mother and sets the table for breakfast, she stands up to her father and argues with her mother. Fern has boundaries for what she will allow others to do in her life.

Boundaries keep our identity and personhood separate from another’s. As Cloud and Townsend explain, “You do not exist in a vacuum; you exist in relation to God and others. Your boundaries define you in relation to others.”8 Boundaries mark where one person ends, and another begins.

A good understanding of one’s identity is part of building good boundaries. Misunderstanding the core of who we are leads to a crisis in boundaries and to behaviors of either assuming too much or too little responsibility. Sometimes, after caring for a helpless parent for an extended period, one may be prone to continue taking on disproportionate responsibility for others. On the other hand, one might be on the receiving end of too much help and remain passive and irresponsible for making their own choices.

Good boundaries keep out enemies as did the walls of ancient cities where broken walls meant death or captivity (see Amos 1:10; 4:3). Nehemiah took time to examine the walls of Jerusalem and then, because of their critical significance, to rebuild them with urgency despite targeted opposition. And so, we need to examine our own identity walls and boundaries and repair what may be damaged.

Knowing we are made in God’s image and that He loves us helps us understand that it’s okay to set healthy limits on the negative behavior of others. Knowing Him gives us wisdom about our capacities; He helps us build and maintain healthy boundaries, so we know where we end, and others begin.

Prayer: Father, teach me what is appropriate in giving support and receiving help. Examine the walls of my identity and see if there are any holes in my understanding of who I am and for what I am responsible. Rebuild my walls where they are damaged.

Radiant Action: Journal entries: 1. What are my responsibilities or roles? 2. How am I nurturing myself? 3. Do I take on responsibility that belongs to others? 4. Am I too prone to help another at the expense of my own good? 5. Am I letting someone else take up my responsibilities?

Webs: Expectations of Others (Feb.), Emotional Self-Control (Mar.), Equipping (May)